To strengthen the relationship, we need to strengthen the quality of thoughts.
All my thoughts are energy and I am vibrating and transmitting. If I am thinking about you (Let me be in any part of the world) it will reach you.
If I am constantly thinking bad about you – my vibrations will come to you and you will also start thinking bad about me. Then, I will receive yours and it will continue.
Have you seen the arrow exchange in Mahabharata and Ramayana. Exactly the same.
So, one person has to become strong to stop it.
The best thing, I like about spirituality is you don’t have to change anyone for you to be happy. You don’t have to communicate with the other person or ask sorry to forgive. You can do it all by yourself. You will feel light and free.
We don’t have to analyse the past and think – who has started first?
How does that matter? Now, we will see how we can change the relationship?
In any relationship, especially in MIL and DIL conflict – we have to first understand the perspective of the other person and even they have a reason for their behaviour. We need to slowly accept their sanskars.
Instead of seeing what the other person is doing, talking and thinking – we will see what we are doing, talking and thinking.
Suppose, you have so much pain in yourself – you have a fear to contact them because you will get hurt again.
This is understandable. Don’t communicate. It is fine. But, don’t think negative about them.
If they are constantly sending negative thoughts to you. Then, you need to put little efforts – don’t speak badly or don’t think of the past or create any negative thoughts.
If the pain is too much – probably you may not be able to do this. Then, just take a piece of paper and start writing good wishes for them. Say, tons and tons of love, happy and peace to my so and so.
Write and see – how light you feel. Keep sending good wishes. Even sometimes you have said something about them. Immediately understand that they lack love and peace.
The fact is you don’t like many of their sanskars and you are adjusting with it. You need to accept it. At the same time, remember even they don’t like many of our sanskars and they are also adjusting with us.
Don’t think – ONLY I need to do everything and I will accept everything and they will be the same. This is little Ego.
Yes, you have to work on yourself – if you want to be happy and want to improve the relationship.
If you don’t want – it’s fine.
Some people have the sanskar of communicating every small things to others. When they are going somewhere they will tell and when they are coming from somewhere they will tell every detail. But, some people don’t have the sanskar of telling everything. They will think – what is that has happened that I should tell others. I went and I came back.
The person who is communicating everything will find it difficult if the other person is not at all communicating anything.
The person who is not communicating will find it difficult to communicate every small thing. Actually, they may not even remember to tell others.
So, the sanskars of each other will look very weird for the other person. They will wonder – will anyone be like this?
The person who is communicating will think – is it not natural to communicate when someone is going somewhere and they are not coming home for lunch ; do I need to cook and wait for them ; Will the food not go waste ; is this a house or hostel etc. Very logical from the point of view of the person who is communicating everything. And it is also very natural for the person to think like that because it is their way of living.
But it is not natural for the other person – for a person who is not communicating much will feel suffocated to tell everything. They may not even remember to tell.
They don’t have the sanskar at present. We should not start complaining that even this small sanskar is not there in the person and what kind of upbringing their family has done. This is disrespect. so much of EGO, they are doing purposely, they want to be independent etc.We do not know whether the sanskar is from this birth or from any of the past birth.
Now, we have to just accept. Later, we can change. First accept – without accepting we cannot change anyone’s sanskar.
The younger ones think that they are controlling them ; the older ones think that they are disrespecting them.
We have to understand that no one wants to hurt anyone and no one is doing it purposely.
See my hardware is different and I am using different operating system. I am using windows and you are using mac. My belief system is different from yours. I cannot run my software’s in your operating system. If I want any features – I need to upgrade my operating system.
I cannot run 2 operating system in my PC.
The elders might say – they know very well that we worry and still purposely they don’t communicate. We have told them many times about our concerns. They just don’t want to change. In the same way, the younger generation is thinking – we have also told them many times – that we cannot communicate every single thing – we wonder why they are not understanding.
The elders expect that the system gets changed and they start to communicate ; The younger ones also expect – the system gets changed and they stop expecting.
It is just a tug of war. Lack of proper communication and keep assuming and keep thinking.
If you hear one side – you will feel very logical. If you hear the other side – even that will look very logical from their point of view.
That is why – the husbands are unable to decide anything. They think whatever the mother says is also logical and whatever the wife says is also logical.
We really have to fit it in. Both are 100 % right in their own logic. But, they should start thinking of the point of view of the other person.
Normally, they keep talking about their feeling and pain. They don’t analyse the other persons view.
One person has to accept the other persons sanskar. Don’t wonder why are they like that? etc. Just a full stop to the nonsense thinking.
Between both of them – there is a resistance energy. I don’t like your sanskars and you don’t like mine.
Resistance energy is a black negative energy between them.
Unless this energy is broken – we cannot understand the perspective of the other person and accept the other person.
We can live in conflict for a life time ; absolutely for a life time (if this negative energy is not broken).
If I am receiving such heavy energy from the other person saying I am careless,egoistic, purposely doing things, not respecting, manmani (means autocracy or stubborn or dominating), parents have not given a good sanskar, no adjustment.
What will my reaction be – What kind of people are they – all the time they are interfering, all the time thinking about something or the other, do like this ; don’t do like this, don’t sit here, don’t sit there, where have I come, what kind of a family is this, it is very difficult, I am getting suffocated, this is not the kind of life – I wanted, these are not the kind of people I can adjust with. Now, what kind of heavy energy I am sending back.
If the exchange of energy is so heavy. There will a black negative energy between them.
I will tell you a story,
A sandal wood merchant was called by the king for doing some sins. The person who came to take him was a very wise man. The merchant said – please don’t take me – I didn’t do any mistake – I am already in pain – my business is not good and I have fixed my daughters wedding etc. The wise person asked – in the pain, did you think anything wrong about the king. Please tell me – I will help you. The merchant said – yes, I was hoping the king to die so that I can sell all the sandal wood for his cremation (as only for royal people – the cremation is done with sandal wood). The wise person said – you could have also thought that there is big pooja in the palace or they construct a temple and you could supply your sandal wood.
In every person, we have Rama and Ravan – it is our choice whether to burn the Ravan or Rama.
We need to be aware of our thoughts. Some people don’t know what they are thinking. They are sitting and thinking for hours. They say – I feel heavy but I didn’t do anything – I don’t know why?
It is all because of negative thoughts.
See all the problem is because we are thinking however we want about the other person. We need to be careful.
We have to accept the other person. Take more positive information. It is possible.
Even if one person changes the thoughts – the relationship improves drastically.
If the other person does not want to change – that is their choice. We need to be light and free. We will keep sending them good wishes and believe that god will help them to change.
WHEN YOU HOLD RESENTMENT TOWARDS ANOTHER – YOU ARE BOUND TO THAT PERSON OR CONDITIONED BY AN EMOTIONAL LINK – THAT IS STRONGER THAN STEEL. FORGIVENESS IS THE ONLY WAY TO DISSOLVE THAT LINK AND GET FREE.
umasvedantam 